how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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