JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
