It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
