Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
