No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
