see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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