So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
