I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
