dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
