So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
handjob tips. give me some.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
