she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
