Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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