Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
