I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Blood and glitter go together right?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My feet surprised me
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
