using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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