Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
