We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The beer is more important than you right now.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
