i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
