I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
