Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
