I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize