I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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