Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize