I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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