I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I touched a dick in church today
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
