foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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