I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize