I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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