"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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