The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
