i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
