just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
