Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm passing your future prison.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
