So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
