YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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