So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My pussy is not your playground.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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