So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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