Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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