Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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