hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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