i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize