New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
