Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
