Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You're like the curious george of whores
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
