Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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