Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
