Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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