God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
