Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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