I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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