If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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