I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize