You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
