Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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