I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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