When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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