I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
