i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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