just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize