It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This is my gift to your gina
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
