Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
