Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
