I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
