If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
