Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
