Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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