I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
