I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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