I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
