I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Randomize