I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
