True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
