Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
