You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
