So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he shaved USA in his pubs
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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