Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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