Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
