It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
