So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
