I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
