I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
