yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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