I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
